Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.

What to say about this weekend? *sigh*
Let me start by saying I love Mark and mattie both dearly, however, I would not want to do this weekend over again!
It was enlightening to say the least.
I did have a moments where I was wondering
"is this what I can look forward to with Mark?"
I did alot of thinking. And you know what I decided?
I can deal with it. No one is perfect. I love Mark and Mattie enough that I can put up with the once every 4 months hiccup.
I asked him what the pissing contest between us is about but got and evasive answer. It seems to be a theme, this passive agressive crap between us, as well as the complete change in Mattie's attitude when Mark is around, Mattie knows who he can play. I decide again to end it and hope the rest of the day will be better. Awhile later I made dinner. Mattie got his finger pinched. :( he cried...like kids do when they are hurt! Mark was all over it. As was I. You don't have to have my DNA for me to care when you get hurt. :-/
I didn't say anything though. Just served everyone dinner.
After I cleaned up the boy's room and tried to get a movie on for them. When that didn't work I decided to spend some time with Isaiah while Mattie went to sleep. After Isaiah was asleep I came out to the living room. Midnight rolled around and I got up to clean up. Mark asked if I was going to bed an I said "no, I still have to clean up." I went in the kitchen and got started. Mark got up and announced he was heading to bed.
I was finishing up the kitchen. I still had the living room and hadn't even checked the laundry. About 1:15 I'm wiping off the top of the coffee pot when an interesting thought creeps in my mind..."I don't drink coffee...So,why is this big ass coffee pot on my counter everyday?" "Mark likes coffee" :) "So I have it up here for Mark, just in case he wants a cup one morning. Hmmm Mark always buys me coffee at church...what else does Mark do for me?" *long mental silence* He does little things, but what does he really contribute to this relationship? I mean, this is a pretty sweet set up. For him. A live in babysitter that works for free. A home, food, lights, cable, water, soap, toilet paper, etc.....all free, A cook, a maid, etc etc. Meanwhile I'm really taking on a pretty big share of what we should be sharing. Hell, this is not how I pictured spending the summer with my kids! Stuck in the house until when, and if, Mark decides to come "home." This isn't fair to the kids either! Why am I sacrificing? I have no commitment from him, were just dating! Meanwhile, Mark still has a whole other apartment...hence the reason he's not paying bills here, where, for all intents and purposes he lives, and has been for sometime.
He wants to be a guest. Where he's served dinner, I clean up after him, I watch his child, I cook his food, I wash his clothes, I buy his food, I pay the bills. Yes. Just a guest. I don't feel like a partner, I feel like a host. Maybe it's time for the guest to go home until he figures out what he really wants. I don't like being taken for granted and if given the choice between being taken for granted and alone I much rather be alone.
In the mean time, I don't drink coffee. So why the hell is there a coffee pot on my counter?